Saturday, February 05, 2005


Lose Weight and Eat Well (UK)

Hello, and Thanks for Visiting My UK Slimming Blog!

Here is a series of slimming articles about various topics, including weight loss, diet nutrition and motivation. As a practising dietitian for the last 10 years, I know exactly how difficult it can be for most women to hold down a job, look after a house and family, AND manage their weight.

So I hope these tips help to make it easier for you to lose weight and eat well.


No “Quick-Fix” Method of Losing Weight

In the USA, slimmers spend an average of 82 million dollars a day, trying to lose weight. That’s one thousand dollars a second! Yet over a third of all American women still have a weight problem. The moral? If there’s an easy way to lose weight, they haven’t heard about it in America!

But this doesn’t stop companies from advertising all sorts of expensive slimming treatments which are ‘guaranteed’ to give you the figure of your dreams.

For example, you can spend a fortune on pills, patches, herbal treatments, food supplements, appetite suppressants, or food allergy tests, without gaining any benefit whatsoever. How come? Because there is no reliable medical evidence to suggest that any of these easy-options work.

In fact, quite apart from being an expensive waste of money, some of these treatments can be positively harmful. They can interfere with the body’s natural mechanisms and cause all sorts of problems.

Take appetite suppressants, for example. Unless we are about to eat ourselves to death – which is hardly a common problem – what is the benefit of suppressing our natural urge to eat? I mean, food isn’t the enemy: food gives us strength!

However, in my experience, the worst thing about some of these products is that they can actually make us fat! For example, I know countless slimmers who have tried all sorts of gimmicks, but who were so disappointed with the results that they lost all confidence in their ability to lose weight. Result? They gave up and got even fatter. I even know ‘Slimmers of the Year’ who were encouraged to use pills to help them achieve their huge weight loss but who rapidly returned to their original weight when they stopped taking them.

The moral? There are no miracle cures when it comes to slimming. The only guaranteed way to lose weight for good, is to cut down on rubbish and eat a proper balanced diet with lots of nourishing food. This sort of sensible eating plan will not only get you down to a comfortable weight, it will also boost your energy and make you feel fantastic!

Now some of you may be thinking: ‘But I’ve tried dieting lots of times and I just can’t do it. I want to try something different!’ If this is what you think, then here’s my answer: stop kidding yourself! Anyone who follows a sensible diet is guaranteed to get down to a comfortable weight, and that includes you! If you haven’t managed it so far, it’s because you didn’t follow your diet properly, or else you didn’t follow it for long enough.

Conclusion? Don’t fool yourself into thinking that there is an easy alternative to dieting, because there isn’t. If there was, you’d hear about it, believe me! It would be splashed across the front page of every newspaper in the country. It would be welcomed with open arms by every doctor in the world.

However, if you are still determined to try something different, then I suggest you try my miraculous new Wellington Boot Diet. It’s very easy, just stick a wellington boot on your head and then eat sensibly for three months. By doing this, you’ll lose about 2 stone. Believe me, it works every time.

To obtain a copy of this exciting new diet, (including one left-footed wellington boot) please send me a cheque for £500, together with details of your head size. Order by the end of the month and I’ll send you a free copy of my new book entitled: 101 Ways to Put the Boot into Your Weight Problem.

My Favourite Slimming Sites

Calorie Intake & Expenditure Information
AC Slimming Diet
Nutrition & Disease
100 Weight Loss Tips


Losing Weight is Easier Than Losing Our Sight

Once upon a time, in a faraway land, there lived a young girl called Lizzie. She was slim, beautiful and very happy. Then she got married, had three children and put on three stone. By the time she was 35, she was fat, shapeless and fed up.

Every day she looked in the mirror and thought: ‘I’ve got to lose weight’. But every day there were so many things to do that by the time she was finished, she was in no mood to think about slimming.

But this didn’t stop her worrying about her weight. In fact, she worried constantly. So even though she coped wonderfully well with the rest of her life, when it came to slimming she felt a complete failure. She felt incapable and useless. Result? She ate even more rubbish, put on even more weight and received even less respect from those around her, including her husband.

It was a trap from which there was no escape – or so she thought. Then one day, a friend told her about an old woman who lived in the big city, across the river. Known simply as VJ, she was rumoured to have magical powers. Even the king consulted her, it was said. When Lizzie heard this, she was over the moon. Perhaps this mysterious woman could help her to lose weight.

So the following Monday, she took the coach to the city and by nightfall she was standing outside a large oak door inscribed with the initials VJ. Taking a deep breath, she knocked and entered.
VJ was sitting by the fire. When she saw Lizzie, she smiled and gestured to her. ‘Come in child’ she said. ‘Come over here by the fire and tell me what’s bothering you.’ So Lizzie did. She told the old woman how she hated being fat, but how incapable she was of doing anything about it. ‘I’m so weak-willed’ she sobbed. ‘I must be the most useless individual in the whole world. Now no one takes me seriously, not even my husband. I’m so miserable. '

‘Please don’t be upset, my dear’ said VJ. ‘You may be overweight but you’re still a very lucky woman. I know several women who would give anything to be in your shoes.’ ‘I don’t care how lucky I am!’ wailed Lizzie. ‘I want to be slim! Please help me!’ The old woman squeezed Lizzie’s hand. ‘OK’ she said softly, ‘wait here for a moment and I’ll fetch you something.’

She got up and left for a few moments and when she returned she was holding a small flask filled with a green liquid. ‘Here’ she said, ‘take four drops of this, every day, for a week. It should do the trick.’ Lizzie went home bursting with optimism. Her weight problem was over. The old woman had cured her!

The moment she got home she took the flask and measured out four drops. She repeated the dose each morning for the next six days and on the seventh day she woke up with a terrible shock. She was blind!

It must have been the green liquid. But why would VJ want to make her blind? Then it dawned on her. It was VJ’s way of showing her that being fat is a lot easier to cope with than being blind. Lizzie buried her head in the pillow and wept tears of regret. If only she had understood this before, she would never have felt so helpless about her weight. She would have done something about it! Now it was too late. She was blind for life.

But Lizzie got a second chance. Two days later, her sight returned and from that moment on, she vowed never to make excuses about why she couldn’t lose weight. Never again would she feel helpless about her size. She would start a new diet and this time she would follow it until she was slim. So she did, and ten months later, she was a lovely size 12.


Give Yourself Time to Lose Weight

Are you the world’s most impatient slimmer? Do you feel like tearing your hair out when you don’t lose weight fast enough? If so, here’s something to think about, which may help.

I want you to try and imagine that you have slimmed down to your perfect weight.

I want you to imagine that now, after six months of dieting, you have the sort of lovely slim figure you’ve always wanted. So just for a moment, imagine your stomach is flat, your hips are shapely, your bottom is firm and your legs are slim. In other words, imagine that your body is exactly how you’ve always wanted it to be. Got the picture?

OK, now imagine that you are sitting in a café with a friend. Why are you there? Because your friend wants to talk about slimming. You see, despite years of dieting, she has never succeeded in losing weight. Why not? Because she is too impatient and never gives her diet a chance to work. However, having watched you get slimmer and slimmer over the past six months, she is curious to learn your secret.

The first question she asks you is this: ‘Was it worth it? Was it worth all the effort of being patient and eating sensibly, for six whole months, just to be slim?’ If she asked you this, what would you reply?

Remember: you’re the perfect weight, you’re feeling great and you’re wearing exactly the sort of clothes that you’ve wanted to wear, for years, and now here is someone asking you if it was worth dieting for? So what would you say?

For example, would you say: ‘No, it wasn’t worth it. It was too much effort. In fact, if I could go back to where I was six months ago, I wouldn’t bother dieting: I’d rather eat chocolate and stay fat.’

Or, would you say: ‘Of course it was worth it! Sticking to my diet was the best thing I ever did. I feel like a completely different person. It has totally transformed my life.’

Which of these two replies would you give? The second one, I’m sure. Why? Because when you finally get into shape, all the sacrifices you have made and all the aggravation you have experienced along the way will be forgotten. The only thing you’ll feel is a wonderful sense of freedom!

For example, I know a huge number of people who used to be fat, but who are now slim. Very few of them found it particularly easy to change their eating habits and most needed at least six months to do it, but if I walked up to any of them and asked them whether being slim was worth all the effort of dieting, every one of them would say: Definitely! I only wish I’d done it sooner!

So, if there are times when you feel you are not losing weight quickly enough and you are tempted to give up your diet for good, just remember: your mind and body need time to change. They need time to develop the sort of good eating habits that will keep you slim. In other words, when it comes to slimming, patience isn’t a virtue: it’s a necessity.

The good news is that when you’ve done it – when you’ve got down to the weight you want to be – you’ll look back and wonder what all the fuss was about. After all, no words can possibly express the wonderful sense of freedom and confidence that you will have when you get into shape. It’s like being reborn as a completely different person. It’s like winning the lottery, having great romance and meeting the Pope, all at the same time. And if that doesn’t turn you on, nothing will!


Be Nice to Your Body – Lose Weight

With all it’s traditions of self-denial, sack-cloth and ashes, Lent isn’t exactly a fun-filled festival, is it? Perhaps not, but we can still learn from it. In particular, we can learn how to be grateful for the wonderful things we’ve been given.

For example, each of us has been presented with at least one marvellous gift: our human body. It talks, walks, sings, runs, swims: it can paint masterpieces, compose music, do maths and a million other things besides. Above all, it can show love, kindness and great affection.

Having a body like this means that each of us has the potential to enjoy life to the full and to help others to do the same. Now comes the catch. What do we do with this fabulous gift? What do we do with this fabulous body of ours? Answer: we waste it!

We waste it in a thousand different ways! For example, we smoke, we drink too much, we stuff ourselves with bad food, we stop exercising, we stop trying out new things and we stop loving our family and friends. Result? We become unhealthy, unfit, unhelpful, unloving and unhappy.

Do we realise what we are doing to our body? Sometimes we do, but usually we just fall into bad habits without really thinking about it. Well this is where Lent comes in. The six weeks of Lent give us ample time to reflect on our behaviour and come up with some positive answers to put things right.

So what can we do? How can we look after our wonderful mind and body and become better people in the process? Well of course it depends on the sort of person we are. After all, each of us is completely different. Nevertheless, here are three general suggestions which may help.

To begin with, your body needs lots of good food. It needs lots of fruit and vegetables, bread and potatoes, regular oily fish, lots of low-fat milk and yogurt and a little regular meat. Eating this sort of food fills you up, boosts your energy and makes you feel great. By contrast, eating lots of red meat, coleslaw, pastries and chocolate, makes you tired, bloated and fat, which is a complete waste. I mean, how can you be happy when you go to bed feeling like this? How can you make others happy when you wake up feeling like this? Answer: you can’t!

Next, your body needs plenty of fresh air and exercise. You probably get a fair amount from rushing around after your beloved family, but not enough. Solution? Try to have a brisk twenty minute walk every day, and if you don’t want your neighbours gawking at you in your trainers, then hop into your car, drive to a nice spot and do it there.

Finally, you need stimulation (and not just in the dark!). I mean: keep your mind active. So, for example, read a newspaper or a book, do a course or a crossword, enter a quiz, keep a diary, make something, listen to the radio, or watch TV. There are lots of ways to keep yourself mentally active and it’s vital you do so, otherwise you’ll be bored, boring, miserable and no good to anyone!

So, if you want something to aim for this Lent, why not stop abusing the fabulous body you’ve been given and start looking after it instead. Look after it for the rest of your life – not just until Easter!

The good news is, by looking after your body - your weight and health - you are bound to increase your own happiness as well as your ability to make others happy. This is not only the way to a better life, it’s also the way to a new slimmer life!


Three Foods For Better Health (and Weight)

If time was money, we’d all be broke! I mean, who has any spare time these days? It’s rush, rush, rush, from morning to night. No wonder we skip meals. No wonder we snack on rubbish. No wonder we find it so difficult to eat a balanced diet!

Unfortunately, it’s not long before our bad eating starts to catch up with us. We become deficient in vitamins and minerals, we suffer from indigestion, we put on weight and sometimes we get ill.
But what can we do? It doesn’t matter how we feel, we still have babies to mind, children to chase after, husbands to feed and in-laws to please. We have shopping to do, clothes to wash, errands to run and a house to clean, dust, hoover and polish! And as soon as we think that everything is done, one of the children falls sick and has to be rushed to the doctor, or else the dog throws up all over our best carpet!

Does this sound a bit like your life? If so, let me introduce you to three foods that will help you to cope with some of the pressures I’ve described. They won’t do the dishes for you and they won’t make your children behave any better, but they will help to protect your body against some of the more serious problems of modern life, especially if you smoke.

One of the best ways of looking after yourself is to eat lots of carotene, a type of Vitamin A which we get from plants. Carotene helps to protect us from a variety of bad things including heart disease and cancer. How do you get it? By eating things like carrots, spinach, peppers, tomatoes, dried apricots, broccoli, melons, and peaches. Ideally, eat them as part of a meal or with a little salad dressing.

So far, there is no recommended daily allowance for carotene, but I’m pretty sure there will be one, before too long. Meanwhile, if you want to see it in action, pop over to Pakistan and talk to a tribe called the Hunzas. Apparently, the Hunzas eat lots of dried apricots and live up to 120 years old, which is rather unusual for that part of the world!

Next, eat lots of garlic: the more the better. Yes I know it stinks, but it’s one of the healthiest substances known to man. It protects us against badly-behaved vampires, Chinese doctors use it to cure meningitis, US doctors use it to lower blood cholesterol and prevent clotting, while Russian and Japanese doctors use it as an antibiotic. It is also being studied by US specialists for it’s anti-cancer and anti-AIDS benefits. Closer to home, the ordinary onion, which comes from the same family as garlic, is another excellent food.

Finally, for anyone who leads a really unbalanced lifestyle, I recommend green tea! No, I’m not joking! You may laugh, but I predict big things for green tea. Why? Because it contains a group of substances, called catechins, which are believed to block the growth of cancerous tumours. Green tea also helps to reduce cholesterol and lower blood pressure. Buy it from most health food stores, and ideally, drink 3-5 cups a day.

Of course, none of these foods are a substitute for a balanced diet, which is by far the best way to stay healthy and slim. However, if you can’t follow a balanced diet, then eating these three foods will definitely help to protect you against the slings and arrows of modern life and stop your body from totally disintegrating in the process! So why not try them?


When You Gain Weight, Life Can Pass You By

It was the morning after St Patrick’s Day in Cork, and Mary woke up feeling like death. Her head was splitting, her stomach felt bloated and her whole body ached. Then she remembered what she had eaten and drunk over the past few days and instantly felt worse.

She staggered to the bathroom and stood on the scales. ‘My God!’ she said, in disbelief. She was thirteen stone: the heaviest she had ever been! She looked at her face in the mirror. Her eyes were puffy, her skin was blotchy and red, and her double-chin was bigger than ever. She turned away in despair. What was to become of her?

She grabbed a baggy trousers and top to cover herself and went downstairs to look for the indigestion tablets. She didn’t find the tablets. Instead she came face to face with the curdled left-overs of two Chinese takeaways and a pile of empty beer cans.

Putting her stomach on hold, Mary cleared away, cooked some breakfast, got the kids up for school, cleaned their shoes, made their sandwiches, organised her husband and fed the cat. By nine thirty, she had the house to herself. Utterly exhausted, she sat down with a cup of tea and a magazine.

Unfortunately, looking at the magazine just made things worse. Why? Because it was full of lovely slim women wearing lovely clothes: the sort of clothes that Mary craved but knew she could never wear because she was too fat. After a few minutes she put the magazine down and sighed a long sigh.

What was to become of her? She was 40 years old, thirteen stone and life was gradually passing her by. She felt embarrassed by her figure, too awkward to go out, and she was too tired to do anything. Even worse, there was precious little romance in her life and her "romance" was almost non-existent.

She tried to put these gloomy thoughts aside but her mind wouldn’t let her. If she weighed thirteen stone today, what would she weigh this time next year? Fourteen stone? Fifteen stone? She shuddered at the thought, but she knew it was true. After all, if anyone had told her that she would be thirteen stone at 40, she would have laughed and said: ‘I’m never going to be that big!’ But here she was: thirteen stone and rising.

But what could she do? Dieting was no good: she’d tried that lots of times and it never worked. Besides, she knew she was too fond of herself to give up chocolate, coleslaw and all the other nice things that made her life bearable.

So how could she get her weight under control?

Then, just as she was feeling really sorry for herself, she suddenly thought of something: wasn’t there a piece of apple tart left over from last night? She opened the fridge and there it was! She wolfed it down and immediately felt better. She’d get another one, later, she decided.

And so she did. In fact, over the next twelve months, Mary ate a lot more apple tarts, sausage rolls, takeaways and bars of chocolate. Sure enough, the next St Patrick’s Day, she was fifteen stone!

The moral? Don’t be a Mary! Don’t let life pass you by! Get yourself a sensible diet, give yourself six months, and get rid of that extra weight you’re carrying. Why bother? Because you’ll feel a hundred times better! Can anyone do it? Yes, they can! The truth is, whether you are thirteen stone or twenty stone, you can slim down to whatever weight you want to be.


Too Much Fat in Your (Irish) Diet Will Hurt Your Heart

Once upon a time, in a small town in Ireland, there lived a really nice guy called Harry. As well as being devoted to his wife and kids, he was kind and helpful to everyone he met. In return, his family were mad about him and so were his friends.

Apart from his family, Harry had few interests in life, but like most men he loved his meat. In fact, his idea of heaven was sitting down to a huge Sunday lunch of roast lamb, complete with crispy fat, roast potatoes and gravy.

His weekday meals were just as meaty. He’d have chops smothered in fried onions, a plateful of steak and chips, a big fry-up of sausages and black pudding, or roast chicken covered in rich gravy made in the roasting tray.

Because he adored his food and because he worked so hard, his wife loved to spoil him. So as well as serving him hunks of meat, she fed him plenty of apple tarts, sponge puddings and cakes – all topped with custard or cream.

Fortunately, as a busy builder, Harry led a very active life, so his waistline didn’t expand quite as fast as his wife’s. But over the years, he gradually got heavier. At 30, he was 12 stone, at 40 he was 13 stone and by the time he reached 50 he was 14½ stone. Even so, his outward appearance was excellent. He looked stronger and fitter than most men half his age.

Alas, appearances can be deceptive, and so it was with Harry. On the evening before his 51st birthday, he suffered a massive heart attack and died on the way to hospital.

At first, people couldn’t believe it. How could this happen to someone as healthy as Harry? However, by the time of the funeral, there was general agreement that it was probably a family heart problem. Didn’t his grandfather die of a heart attack?

This explanation made everyone feel better, especially the men. After all, if Harry’s death was the result of a family defect, it meant that they had less to worry about. They didn’t have to start examining their own lifestyle or diet.

So Harry was buried amid great sorrow and then everyone went home and continued eating the same old fatty things, as though nothing had happened. The men continued to tuck into piles of red meat and fried onions, while the women wolfed down their regular coleslaw, apple tarts and chocolate.

An improbable story? I don’t think so. I’m sure that most of you know several people who have died prematurely from heart attacks. But what effect did this have on your own eating habits? What steps are you and your husband taking to protect yourselves against heart disease?

For example, do you monitor the amount of fat you eat – especially dairy and animal fat? Have you switched to low-fat alternatives? Do you eat oily fish twice a week? Do you eat plenty of fresh fruit every day? Do you eat three helpings of vegetables every day? I bet you don’t.

Well OK, it’s free country and you can do what you like, but what about your children? Are you helping them to grow up with healthy hearts?

Remember: every 37 minutes in Ireland, on average, there’s a Harry (or Harriet) who dies of a heart attack somewhere in Ireland. What’s more, the vast majority of these deaths are preventable, simply by eating sensibly.

So why not make a few changes to your diet? Why not start eating a bit more sensibly? If you do, not only will you live longer: you’ll also get slim! Food for thought?


Consequences of Being Too Overweight

Lady Penelope, Duchess of Frith, was born with a silver spoon in her mouth, except in her case it was more like a shovel. When she married, in 1821, she had 84 servants and an income of £2 million a year. Then in 1829, she took a sea voyage to Australia and was shipwrecked on a desert island.

She was the only survivor. Her husband, her lady-in-waiting, her three maids, her seamstress and her hairdresser all perished, along with the ship’s crew and the captain’s parrot. When her plump twelve stone body finally washed up on the shore, she was utterly alone. She didn’t even have a lipstick.

The first day was the worst. With no servants to pamper her and no idea of how to cook food – let alone catch it – Penelope went hungry. In fact, she was beginning to think that going to Australia hadn’t been such a good idea after all. Fortunately, on the second day, Lady Luck (no relation) smiled on her.

While wandering through the jungle hills, she suddenly came across a large detached hut, complete with balcony and sea view. The name on the front door said ‘Mr R. Crusoe.’ She rang the bell and went inside to see who was at home. But the place was empty. ‘I’ll take it’ she thought, and moved in straightaway.

Later that evening, dining on various items which she unearthed from the overgrown vegetable patch at the back of the hut, Penelope took her first big decision: no more vegetables! She needed meat and plenty of it, so next day she went in search of a four-legged lunch and in the process came across a number of large barrels which had been washed up on the beach during the night.

When she opened them, she found to her delight that they were packed with food from the ship: bacon, corned beef, biscuits and rum. There was enough food to last her for years! She dragged everything back to the hut and started bingeing.

In fact, over the next three months, she wolfed down fifteen hundred rashers, forty tins of corned beef fried in fat, no vegetables and not a single piece of fruit. In addition, she munched her way through two thousand biscuits and gulped down half a barrel of rum. Result? She put on two stone.

At first, it didn’t bother her. It was winter, the island was lashed with monsoon rains and there was nothing to do except stay at home. But by the time Spring arrived, Penelope decided to lose some weight. After all, she wanted to look good when she started sunbathing on the beach.

Unfortunately, like many slimmers, Penelope was too fond of herself to give up the biscuits and the rashers, so after a week of lettuce leaves and yams she pulled out her home-made frying pan and made herself a huge desert island fry-up. After that, it was back to more bingeing. Result? By May, she was fifteen stone and hardly able to get to the beach let alone sunbathe on it.

This lack of mobility finally brought her to her senses and so in June she began a sensible diet with lots of good food. She ate lots of fruit and vegetables, lots of fish and only a little red meat. In addition, she cut down on alcohol and avoided biscuits altogether. Result? By mid-July, she was a stone lighter and felt much better.

Alas, it was too little too late. One afternoon in late July, cannibals arrived and poor Penelope, Duchess of Frith, was still too fat to run away fast enough. Result? She was basted in fat, covered in bacon and roasted in a rum sauce.

The moral? If you want to look good on the beach, this year, don’t leave it to the last moment to start dieting. Do it now!


Benefits of Losing Weight and Looking Good

There is nothing more soul destroying for a wife than to live with an abusive husband. There is nothing more frightening for a mother than having to protect her children from an abusive father. Yet for many women, this sort of nightmare is part of their everyday life.

But why do certain men abuse women in the first place? Answer: because they can’t cope with life. They are so inadequate that they take their frustrations out on someone smaller. Sadly, by doing so, they cause misery to their wife and lifelong harm to their children. It’s a disgrace, especially in a country which prides itself on family values.

Do these bullies seek help for their problem? No they don’t. Why not? Because they don’t even accept that they have a problem. As far as they are concerned, they are perfectly normal: it’s their wife or partner who is the problem. It’s all her fault! She forces them to be abusive!

A husband like this is usually the world’s greatest hypocrite. He’s the life and soul of the pub, he does favours for his friends, and then he goes home and terrorises his family behind closed doors. Meanwhile, his wife feels totally isolated. She can’t confide in anyone about her husband’s abuse and often feels that it’s all her fault. This makes her feel so bad about herself that she seeks comfort in fatty food. Result? She gets fat.

Now hopefully, most of you don’t have this problem. Hopefully, you are married to a real man who treats you and the children with love and respect. However, if you are unlucky enough to be married to a bully and your weight is beginning to suffer, then here’s a bit of advice.

First, never fall into the trap of thinking that you are to blame for your partner’s behaviour. No one deserves to be abused: not you, not your children, not anyone! Besides, any man who resorts to physical or verbal abuse is not a real man: he’s a coward who can’t cope with life. In other words, you are not responsible and have nothing whatever to feel ashamed about.

Secondly, try to stand up for yourself. Tell your bully that you expect him to treat you with consideration and respect. If this fails, then try to get him to come to some sort of practical living arrangement with you, which suits you both. If you can’t do any of this, because he simply won’t listen, then perhaps it’s time for a change of scenery, especially if you have children to protect.

Thirdly, whatever you do, don’t let him turn you against yourself. For example, don’t start abusing yourself by eating rubbish all day. Although snacking on rubbish is perfectly understandable in these circumstances, it doesn’t help. It just makes you feel worse. Result? Your self confidence tumbles and you find it even more difficult to cope.

So, instead of eating rubbish and then hating yourself for doing it, find a sensible diet and follow it carefully for three months. If nothing else, it will boost your energy, keep you strong and help you regain your zest for life.

In my experience, one of the best ways of coping with an abusive husband is to keep yourself looking good. If this means losing your unwanted fat, putting on a bit of make-up and looking after your hair, then do it! Don’t forget: looking good means feeling good, and feeling good is a very powerful weapon when it comes to dealing with bullies. Mind you, so is an electric cattle-prod, but then who can rely on electricity these days?

One final word: whatever type of husband you live with, there is one thing you must do: teach your sons to respect women!


How to Improve Teenage Eating Habits

Getting teenagers to eat properly is easy. All you need is a plateful of good food, a liquidiser, a pair of handcuffs and a feeding tube. Failing this, however, your only chance is to tell them the truth and hope for the best.

You see the truth is, that what we eat affects everything about us. It affects our looks, it affects our strength and stamina, it affects our mood, it affects our brain: it even affects how we play football.

For example, before Manchester United played Monaco in the European Cup, they sat down to a sensible breakfast of baked beans on toast and bananas.

So, if your son wants to do well at football, or considers himself to be a bit of a tough guy, tell him that he’d better stop eating processed rubbish, like crisps and chocolate biscuits, and start eating sensibly.

For example, at breakfast he should eat lots of Shredded Wheat or Weetabix, with low-fat milk, followed by a large helping of beans on toast and a piece of fruit. At lunch, he should eat a huge sandwich with lean meat and plenty of salad, with fruit and maybe a hard-boiled egg on the side. And for dinner, he should eat a huge plateful of shepherds pie, with lots of boiled potatoes, carrots, peas and beans.

For extra snacks during the day, most football trainers would recommend plenty of fruit, yogurt, extra sandwiches and bowls of cereal. They certainly don’t tell their athletes to eat chocolate or crisps: they’d probably say that this sort of food is only for fairies!

So much for your teenage son. Now here’s a question for your teenage daughter. Does she want to grow up beautiful and clever, or would she rather be spotty and sluggish?

If she wants to be spotty and sluggish, then tell her to do five things. One, go to bed late. Two, start drinking alcohol. Three, stay indoors and avoid all exercise. Four, eat a bar of chocolate and a packet of crisps every day. Five, avoid proper meals and snack on burgers and pizza, instead. These five steps are guaranteed to turn her body into a dump and her mind into fresh air.

On the other hand, if she wants to be beautiful and clever, then tell her to start getting lots of sleep and plenty of fresh air. Why? Because that’s what all the top models do. They exercise every day and they’re in bed by 10.

In addition, she must eat three good meals a day. For example, a big breakfast, with cereal, boiled eggs and fruit; a good lunch with sandwiches, a few carrot sticks and yogurt; and a big dinner, with chicken casserole, potatoes and three vegetables. For dessert, I suggest chopped fruit, yogurt with extra nuts and apricots, or cereal. All this food is good for the brain as well as the figure.

Finally, if either your son or daughter is interested in impressing the opposite gender with their good looks, here is a list of the Top Ten Foods they should eat, in order to avoid spots and look fantastic.

Oily fish.
Orange or dark green fruit/vegetables.
Wholemeal bread.
Low-fat milk and cheese.
Live yogurt.
Cereal (not the sugared variety).
Very lean red meat.
Unsalted nuts.
As for drinks, nothing is even remotely as good as plain ordinary water.

If you are still on speaking terms with your teenagers, you can repeat all this to their face. If not, I suggest you cut out this article and sellotape it to their X-Box or Sony Play Station, or bottle of anti-spot lotion. It might not do any good, but at least they can’t say you didn’t warn them!


Exercise is Essential For Long Term Weight Loss

A battery chicken is not allowed any exercise. It is kept inside a cramped cage, 24 hours a day, and fed so much that it gains over 43 times it’s initial weight within 8 weeks. By contrast, we can exercise and move around whenever we want. But do we make the most of this freedom? I’m afraid not.

The truth is, many of us hate exercise. In fact, we hate it so much that we do anything to avoid it. Why? Because we can’t be bothered! We think that our time is too valuable to waste on something as pointless as exercise. Result? Just like a battery chicken, we’re getting plumper, fattier, and less healthy.

If this sounds like you, then why not try a different approach? Don’t spend the rest of your life cooped up in your kitchen, or your four-wheel armchair. Instead, get moving! Start moving those arms and legs and get some air into your body! Why? Because regular exercise gives you 12 great benefits.

One, it helps protect against heart disease.

Two, it helps protect against many other diseases, including cancer, strokes, bowel disease and diabetes.

Three, it strengthens your bones and muscles which helps to prevent aches and pains as well as osteoporosis and arthritis.

Four, it helps your body to get rid of toxins and other waste products. It is particularly beneficial for smokers as it combats lung-damage and helps protect against poisons in the bloodstream.

Five, it improves your circulation, thus improving your skin, hair and eyes.

Six, it aids digestion.

Seven, it’s good for the brain.

Eight, it boosts energy and stops you feeling tired.

Nine, it reduces stress, improves your mood and combats depression.

Ten, it improves your "romance".

Eleven, it helps you to get a good night’s sleep.

But the biggest benefit of all, is happiness. Why? Because as soon as we start exercising, certain ‘happiness’ chemicals, called endorphins, are released into the bloodstream. These chemicals give us a natural feeling of well-being, so we feel more in control of our lives and more confident about ourselves. Result? Life gets better and more enjoyable.

What sort of exercise do I recommend? Well it depends on your condition.

If you’re very overweight, start with something very gentle but do it regularly – i.e. at least 10 minutes a day. Try walking, or doing a few gentle exercises while sitting in a chair, or lying on the floor. Then, as you get used to moving around, gradually build up to about 20 minutes a day.

If you’re less than two stone overweight, try going for a daily 15 minute walk. Then, as you get used to it, gradually extend it to 30-40 minutes a day. Just remember: there’s no hurry, so take it easy and don’t strain yourself.

Like having s-e-x, exercise benefits us most when we make it a regular part of our lives. It’s no good rushing out and exercising like mad for two weeks and then giving up. We must make it part of our daily routine.

And don’t pretend that you don’t have time to exercise! Everyone can spare half an hour a day for something as important as exercise, and that includes you! I mean, let’s face it, looking after your health is a lot more important to you and your family than hoovering, watching TV or sitting in the pub.

Useful Health, Weight Loss and Diet Websites

Heart Information
Glycemic Index of Carb Foods
Diet Nutrition Facts
Low GI Diet


Weight Reduction Surgery

Weight loss surgery, also called bariatric or gastric-reduction surgery is fast becoming a viable option to treat patients suffering from severe obesity.

Gastric surgery to reduce obesity is a serious surgical operation carried out on the stomach and (in the case of bypass) on the small intestine to reduce food intake.

Typically, bariatric surgery is only performed on patients with a body mass index above 40, (ie. those with morbid obesity) although surgeons sometimes operate on lighter patients if they also suffer from serious health problems or lack of mobility.

The two basic types of weight loss surgical procedure are (1) operations (eg.Lapband®) that simply reduce the size of the stomach. These are called gastric banding operations. (2) Bypass operations (eg. Roux-en-Y) which alter the digestive process, by bypassing part of the stomach and small intestine. These operations are called gastric bypass surgery.

Questions remain about safety, and long term effects of bariatric surgeries. These health concerns must be balanced against the proven health dangers of obesity.

Informative Bariatric Resource

Information About Bariatric Surgery


Obstacle to Losing Weight

One of the biggest obstacles to losing weight is the Nothing-To-Do-With-Me syndrome. Most of us suffer from it, but some of us have a particularly bad dose. The main symptom is a complete refusal to accept responsibility for our weight. Instead, we blame it on other things.

To begin with perhaps, we blame it on our family history, or our genes, or our metabolism, or our glands, or the size of our bones. Or, we blame it on our recent marriage (everyone puts on weight in their first year of marriage, don’t they?), or our pregnancy (no one regains their figure after having children, do they?) or the fact we’re stuck indoors with small children.

Then we put on more weight and we need a few more excuses, so we blame our baking, or our sweet-tooth, or our children’s birthday parties, or Bank holidays, or Christmas, or visitors, or eating-out, or the weather.

Then, despite trying a number of diets, we get even fatter so we make even more excuses. We say we’re too fond of ourselves, or we don’t get enough exercise, or we haven’t got enough willpower.

Then we put on even more weight, only now we’re in our 40s so we call it middle-age spread and everyone gets middle-age spread, don’t they? I mean it’s nothing to do with us, is it?

See what I mean? See how we avoid responsibility for our weight? If you count them up, you’ll see that we have at least 20 good excuses as to why we’re fat. 20 good reasons why our size and shape has nothing to do with us. So we continue to fill up our shopping trolley with fatty food, safe in the knowledge that we are not responsible!

Alas, the truth is rather different. The truth is, that the vast majority of us are overweight for only one reason: because we choose to be. We choose to buy too much rubbish, we choose to cook too much rubbish, we choose to eat too much rubbish and all the excuses in the world are nothing but fairy tales.

Are you suffering from Nothing-to-do-with-me syndrome? Are you still blaming your weight problem on other things? Are you still pretending that you can’t lose weight because you don’t have the willpower? If you are, then here’s some advice: try something different! Try this new approach.

First, tell yourself that the only reason you’re fat is because you have chosen to be fat. It’s not because you’re physically incapable, big-boned, weak-willed, or metabolically abnormal, or because you’ve had four children: it’s simply because you have chosen to eat too much fatty food.

After you’ve done this, ask yourself whether you want to go on being fat. For example, are you happy with your shape or are you so embarrassed that you hide it away under baggy clothes? If you’re happy with yourself as you are, that’s fine. If not, then why not choose something different? Why not choose to be slim?

After all, once you dump all your usual excuses, what’s stopping you from starting a sensible diet, losing 2 pounds per week and being 4 stone in six months.

So go on, take a long hard look at your body and ask yourself whether you want to continue wearing your bars of chocolate, packets of crisps and tubs of coleslaw, or whether you want to make a new start and get slim.

Fat or slim, it’s your choice: it’s up to you!

Friday, February 04, 2005


Weight Gain and Bad Eating Habits Means Cheating Yourself

How would you react if somebody broke into your house and stole your TV?

Would you be mad? Of course you would!

Now let me give you a slightly different example. Suppose someone robs you of your happiness? For instance, suppose your best friend runs off with your fiancé? Or suppose you discover that your husband has been having an affair with your neighbour. How would you feel then?

You’d be pretty upset and angry, wouldn’t you? Of course you would: so would any of us.

Why? Because no one likes to be cheated. No one likes to have their happiness taken away.
However, even though we hate being cheated like this by others, we’re quite happy to cheat ourselves. In fact, we abuse ourselves all the time, without batting an eyelid.

For example, have you ever stopped to think about how miserable we make ourselves, by eating junk food? I mean, take crisps, for instance. According to recent figures, roughly 8 billion packets of crisps are eaten in the UK every year. That’s about three packets a week for every man woman and child.

What’s more, we don’t just eat lots of crisps: we also eat lots of biscuits, cakes, chocolate, pastries, coleslaw, ice cream, burgers, sausages, chips, fried onions and other high-fat junk. Result? We develop fat thighs, fat bottoms, fat necks and double-chins.

Do you eat this sort of stuff? If so, let me ask you something. Do you enjoy wearing crisps on your chin, when you go shopping? Do you enjoy wearing cream cakes on your neck, when you go to Mass? Do you like wearing bars of chocolate and tubs of coleslaw on your bottom, when you get into the bath? Do you enjoy wearing a cheeseburger on your face, when you walk into the pub?

If the answer is Yes, then good luck to you. If the answer is No, then why not try a different approach?

Instead of making yourself miserable by eating junk and getting fat, why not start eating a bit more sensibly? You don’t have to start a crash diet or give up anything for good. Just take a break from some of your bad eating habits and try to develop a few good ones, instead.

There are lots of tasty alternatives to junk food, which are far less fattening. Remember, a huge plateful of chicken fillets, boiled potatoes, carrots, broccoli and turnip is less fattening than one large sausage roll. And one chocolate digestive biscuit contains more fat than 45 low-fat yogurts.

The point is: your happiness is too precious to waste so why pour it down the drain by getting fat? Why go on abusing yourself? OK, you may not mind being a bit plump at 30 but, take it from me, being 3 stone overweight at 40 is no fun at all.


Being Overweight Doesn't Mean You Have to Stay Overweight

Losing weight is really very easy, or rather it would be if it wasn’t for one thing – our lack of self confidence.

For example, many of us would love to be slim but when we think of dieting we just get depressed. Why? Because we don’t believe that dieting works – at least not for us! Why not?

Because it never has! We’ve tried every diet on the market – all to no avail. Result? We say to ourselves: ‘What’s the point? Why bother?’ Even if we do start dieting, we don’t take it seriously and we give up at the earliest opportunity.

Does this sound like you? If so, let me give you some blunt advice. The reason you have failed to lose weight in the past has absolutely nothing to do with your ability to lose weight today. The truth is, anyone can lose weight and that includes you. Don’t forget, there are no fat people in a famine.

So why have you failed in the past? The answer is because you didn’t follow a sensible diet, or – if you did – because you didn’t follow it for long enough. For example, you can’t expect to see much of a change in your weight in less than two months, especially if you are quite heavy to begin with. You must be more patient and give your diet time to produce the sort of weight-loss that you can feel and appreciate.

Ideally, if you have a fair amount to lose, give yourself about three months, during which time you should lose about two stone. Then you can decide what to do. For example, if you feel better being two stone lighter, then you may want to lose a bit more. Or if you prefer, you can go back to your coleslaw and chips, and put it all back on.

In other words, give your diet enough time to produce results! Then, once you see the benefits, you can make a proper decision about what weight suits you best. I mean you can’t start a new diet and expect your weight problem to disappear in a couple of weeks, because it never will. Not even the Pope, with all his influence, can lose weight that quickly!

The moral? If you want to lose weight and make a new start in life, don’t waste time worrying about past failures. Find yourself a sensible diet and stick with it! Give yourself about three months to lose two stone and you won’t look back, I promise you.

I meet lots of new slimmers of all shapes and sizes who are shocked to discover that they can lose weight as easily as the next person. For many of them, it’s a completely new experience. They just can’t believe it!

So if you feel bad about your size and shape, just remember this: being fat doesn’t mean you have to stay fat! You can lose weight anytime you want, provided you pick a sensible diet and give it chance to work. Get the message?


12 Weight Loss Tips For a Slimmer Healthier Body

Would you like to lose weight, boost your energy and feel fantastic? If so, follow these 12 tips and live happily ever after.

(1) Never eat while standing up! It makes you fat and gives you indigestion. Always sit down – preferably three times a day – and enjoy a good breakfast, lunch and dinner.

(2) Treat vegetables like good sex: the more the better! For example, have at least 2-3 helpings, plus potatoes, with your main meal.

(3) Fruit is even better for you! Eat it fresh or tinned in juice. Eat it in the bath, or the car, but not when you’re having sex – the pips get everywhere. Peel it, chop it, slice it, cook it – do anything with it as long as you eat it four times a day.

(4) Milk and yogurt are also good, but only the low-fat variety. Have half a pint of milk and at least one low-fat yogurt per day.

(5) Unless you enjoy using a bedpan and having needles shoved into you, don’t wait until you’ve had a heart attack before cutting down on fat: start today! Avoid all fried food, chocolate, crisps, burgers, rashers, sausages, fatty meat, coleslaw, pastries, butter, margarine, cream and biscuits. Even if these foods don’t give you a heart attack, they will give you fat thighs, fat arms and legs, a fat neck and a double-chin.

(6) If you have to fry food, use a non-stick frying pan and either dry-fry using water instead of oil, or use a very small quantity of good quality cooking oil. Also, when buying oil, check the label and choose one which contains the least saturated fat and the most polyunsaturated fat. This advice also applies to spreads and cooking sauces.

(7) Is meat good for you? Yes, but only if you choose carefully. Best of all is free-range buffalo, but this is rather scarce around here at this time of year, so instead I recommend fish. For example, white fish like cod, haddock, hake and plaice make excellent slimming food, providing you don’t fry them. Here’s a quick recipe: squirt a cod steak with lemon juice, add lots of sliced mushrooms, tomatoes etc., wrap the whole lot in silver foil and bake in oven. Even fatty fish, like mackerel, salmon and herring are good for you. In fact, their fat actually helps to protect you against heart disease.

(8) After fish, the next best meat is chicken, followed by pig. Neither is very fattening, but choose a lean cut like chicken fillet or pork steak and remove all visible fat.

(9) Cows and sheep are much more fattening and ideally should not be eaten more than twice a week. You won’t explode or catch fire if you eat more, but you will find it more difficult to lose weight. Once again, choose a lean cut and remove all visible fat.

(10) Whatever meat you eat, don’t overdo it! Limit yourself to a medium-sized helping (i.e. quarter-pound) and fill up with lots of potatoes and vegetables instead. Tinned beans, sweetcorn, or chick-peas are also great fillers, but remember to take them out of the tin, first.

(11) Lose weight on your credit card! Buy a food-blender and start making soup! Soup is a fantastic slimming food: it’s cheap, easy to make, very healthy, ideal for left-overs and a very tasty way of eating green vegetables. Serve it with sandwiches, baked potato, a big salad, or slabs of fresh bread.

(12) Fancy a quick one in the kitchen? Then grab yourself a bowl of cereal. Best is Shredded Wheat, Weetabix and any bran-based cereal, but others are fine. Eat them anytime with semi-skimmed or (ideally) skimmed milk. Don’t forget, skimmed milk is fifteen times less fattening than semi-skimmed.


Why Vegetables are GREAT for Weight Loss

According to the latest household survey, we spend a tiny amount on fresh vegetables, excluding potatoes. By comparison, we spend five times as much on red meat and twice as much on chocolates and fizzy drinks. No wonder we are so unhealthy! No wonder so many of us are overweight!

I mean, we complain about how long it takes to see the doctor, we moan about the cost of prescriptions and we wonder how we manage to put on weight so easily, yet we can’t even be bothered to feed ourselves properly.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m not suggesting you jump into a cold bath, put on sackcloth and ashes, and eat beetroot for breakfast. However, I do suggest that you stop and ask yourself whether you and your family are eating a balanced diet.

What is a balanced diet? In a nutshell, it’s a diet which contains lots of good things (like vitamins, minerals and fibre) but only a few bad things (such as saturated fat and refined sugar). This is why vegetables are so important. They contain lots of vitamins, minerals and fibre, but no fat or sugar. In addition, they fill us up without making us fat.

So how much should you eat? It depends on your lifestyle. For example, if you are a non-smoker, teetotal and in good health, then every day you should eat at least 4 helpings of vegetables, including potatoes, plus a helping of salad. More is better.

On the other hand, if you are prone to colds and flu, a smoker or a drinker, or if you have any stress in your life, you need more. I suggest at least 6 helpings per day, plus a large salad. In addition, you should have at least one main meal per week of vegetables only. Once again, more is better.

Six helpings a day may sound a lot, but it’s not really.

For example, all you need is: (1) a small can of beans for breakfast; (2) a large sliced tomato on a cracker for a mid-morning snack; (3) some sweetcorn or mushrooms with your lunch; (4,5,6) potatoes and two other vegetables with your main meal. There are hundreds of different combinations to choose from.

Of course some of you may be thinking ‘I can’t eat all this!’ If so, I suggest you find yourself a large rock weighing about half a ton, then get half a dozen strong young men to place it on top of you as you lie on the floor. This ought to give you some idea of what it’s like to have a heart attack, which is only one of the many nasty things that may happen to you, if you eat too much rubbish and not enough vegetables.

In other words, if you want to increase your chances of avoiding nasty things like heart disease, breast cancer, lung cancer, bowel cancer, stomach cancer and arthritis, and you want to lose weight, then eating a balanced diet with lots of vegetables is the way to do it.

Finally, a diet which is rich in vegetables also helps to protect us against the growing dangers of pollution. Don’t forget, about 40 per cent of all UK schoolchildren now suffer from allergies – many of which are believed to be caused by pollution. So serve lots of vegetables and keep the whole family slim, healthy and safe!

Mind you, if you really want to avoid polluting yourself, you might also consider going a bit easy on the alcohol and the fags.

According to the same survey, we spend eleven times as much per person on drink and tobacco than we do on vegetables. Yes, I know that most of this is tax, but this is yet another reason to eat vegetables. After all, they’re healthy, good for weight loss and tax-free! What more could you want?


Lose Weight Like Nina Frankenstein

It was Halloween in the year 1451, and in his dark gloomy castle Doctor Frankenstein cackled with delight. Olga, his poor deceased mother-in-law, lay ready on the table: now all he had to do was bring her to life and the whole world would be forced to recognise his genius!

He walked over to the table for one last inspection. His mother-in-law lay face-up, looking more beautiful than ever. This was because he had given her the head of a beautiful deceased girl called Nina, which he had acquired from a local grave-robber. Was this cheating? Perhaps, but Olga wouldn’t mind, would she? After all, she was going to look fifty years younger!

Satisfied that everything was ready, he returned to his desk and pressed a green button. A blinding flash erupted from the wires leading to Olga as ten thousand volts of electricity surged through her. Then more flashes, several loud bangs and the room filled with smoke. Would the experiment work? Frankenstein held his breath.

Gradually, the smoke cleared and there, sitting upright on the table was his reborn mother-in-law! He couldn’t believe it! He rushed over to the groggy figure and held her in his arms. ‘Welcome back, Olga, my dearest!’ he sobbed. But the new Olga was not amused. ‘Get off me, you dirty old man!’ she shouted, pushing him away. ‘And get me some clothes!’

Frankenstein was happy to obey. He fetched Olga a new blouse and skirt, and guided her to a full length mirror. When she saw herself in the mirror, she was repelled.

‘Ugh! Who gave me this fat body?’ she cried. ‘I did’ replied Frankenstein, proudly. ‘I’ve just brought you back to life. Aren’t you pleased?

In reply, Olga walloped him across the face. ‘I’d rather be dead’ she said. ‘And stop calling me Olga! My name is Nina.’

Suddenly, Frankenstein understood his mistake. Because this new person was wearing Nina’s head, she naturally believed herself to be Nina. This also explained why she hated her new fat body. In her previous life, she had been beautifully slim. In other words, instead of resurrecting his mother-in-law, he had created a complete stranger! Oh well, he thought, you can’t win them all!

He turned to Nina and explained exactly what had happened. He also said that she was welcome to stay in the castle for as long as she liked. She listened carefully but said nothing. When he finished, she lay back on the table and fell fast asleep.

The next morning, Frankenstein awoke to the sound of banging. He went to investigate and found Nina opening cupboards in the kitchen. When she saw him, she told him to sit down and write out a shopping list. ‘What for?’ he replied. ‘Because if I’m going to regain my figure’ she replied ‘I want proper meals, with real food. I’m not going to eat your rubbish!’

So Frankenstein wrote out a list and went shopping, and instead of his usual biscuits, chocolate, pastries and fatty meat, he bought lots of fruit, vegetables, potatoes, bread, beans and extra-lean meat. He also bought a non-stick frying pan and a blender to make soup with.

On his return, he gave everything to Nina who cooked a delicious low-fat meal. It was the beginning of a beautiful, non-fattening friendship. He shopped, she cooked three proper meals every day, and they both lost weight and felt fantastic! Within six months, Nina was back to being a lovely size 12.

The moral? If you suddenly realise that you are two or three stone overweight, don’t panic! Just be a Nina! Sit down, write out a shopping list, buy yourself lots of good food and make a new start. It works, believe me!


How to Gain Weight Without Really Trying

Are you fed up of leading a healthy, active life? Would you like to grow a lovely fat neck and a pair of enormous thighs? If so, this is what to do.

The first step, is to avoid eating regular meals. Why? Because regular meals encourage you to eat a balanced diet which is bound to reduce your weight problem. So if you prefer to wear your food: start snacking!

For best results, I suggest you visit your local supermarket and stock up with crisps, fun-bars, family packs of chocolate biscuits, and cakes. Why? Because all these foods can be gulped down at a moment’s notice. I mean, why do you think we have commercial breaks on TV? Answer: so we can rush out to the kitchen and load up with lots of little packets of fat!

What if you’re forced to cook regular meals? How can you do this and still get fat? The answer is: get out the frying pan! Never forget: a frying pan is a fat person’s best friend, so pull it out, fill it with oil and start frying! You can fry almost anything – rashers, sausages, black pudding, eggs, bread, potatoes and of course waffles!

So if your double-chin isn’t growing as fast as you would like, take my advice and make friends with your frying pan. OK, you may develop indigestion and constipation, but believe me this is a small price to pay. Besides, how else are you going to give your husband a heart attack and waddle off to the West Indies on the proceeds of his life assurance policy?

Now, a warning about fruit and vegetables. If you are serious about putting on weight, don’t waste time eating fruit and vegetables. Why not? Because they are totally non-fattening. So if you want to look really fat and bloated the next time you go to Mass, avoid fruit and vegetables and eat cake instead.

Which brings me to a much more serious point. Don’t fall into the trap of eating any of this silly low-fat food, like low-fat milk and yogurt. Why not? Because low-fat food doesn’t clog up your arteries and fatten up your thighs like full-fat food. In fact, to be honest, if you switch to low-fat food, you can almost kiss your weight problem goodbye!

To avoid this trap, simply check your food label for fat content. For example, if the label says Low-fat, put it straight back on the shelf and find one which contains lots of fat – the more the better. If in doubt, just remember this: the fatter your food, the fatter you get!

Which reminds me, whenever you do your weekly shopping, always stock up at the delicatessen counter with a big tub of coleslaw, lots of chops and a big fatty roast. Don’t forget: many of the biggest tummies in Britain have been reared on coleslaw and fatty meat.

Next, a word about alcohol. One of the quickest ways to put on weight is to park your bottom on a bar stool and leave it there four or five nights a week. This approach never fails. In fact you can almost feel your bottom getting bigger with every drink!

Finally, if you can’t get to the pub, don’t despair – you can fatten yourself up just as easily at home. Just pull out the chocolate and the biscuits while you watch TV and your weight problem will be with you for ever!

Thursday, February 03, 2005


Weight Control During Holidays

What's a good way to survive Christmas? Answer: drive to the airport and fly first-class to a holiday island in the sun – preferably in the company of a rich young man who thinks you resemble perfection. Leave a note on the mantelpiece with your forwarding address, so your presents can be sent on to you, accordingly.

If you prefer to stay in Britain, simply book yourself and your admirer into a luxury hotel with a health spa and 4-star room-service. However, in this case don’t leave a forwarding address. I mean let’s be honest, you don’t want himself and the children turning up on Christmas Day looking for their dinner, do you?

If you’re stuck at home and can’t get away, don’t despair! There are lots of things you can do to make life a little bit more bearable. For example, here are a few novel ideas for Christmas presents.

For your teenage son, I suggest a Manchester United straitjacket with matching handcuffs and gag. On Christmas morning, simply snap the cuffs over his wrists, insert gag in his mouth and then help him on with the jacket. The little darling will love it.

For your teenage daughter, I suggest a tube of Super-Glue lipstick. This should keep her quiet for most of Christmas Day. Alternatively, buy her a nose-ring with matching chain and padlock. Simply attach ring to nose, then fasten one end of the chain to ring and padlock the other end to her bedroom doorknob. Works a treat!

For the man in your house, I suggest you invest in a Meg Ryan look-a-like blow-up doll. This should keep him occupied for most of the holiday period and tire him out into the bargain. An Action Man or a set of building blocks is another possibility, but be sure to get the junior version. After all, if it’s too difficult he won’t bother.

As for the mother-in-law, how about treating her to a Christmas Safari in Central Africa? Apparently, the scenery is absolutely heart-stopping and if the scenery doesn’t do the trick, perhaps the lions will. The insurance implications are also quite interesting. With your children immobilised, your husband fully occupied and your mother-in-law in Africa, you now have Christmas Day entirely to yourself. So relax, put your feet up and tuck into a few goodies. It’s nothing more than you deserve.

Later, you can serve up a nice turkey roast for yourself, with all the trimmings, and don’t worry about the washing up! The children will be more than happy to do it, in return for being freed from their straitjacket or doorknob. In fact, before you release them you may be able to negotiate a whole range of good behaviour from them, especially if you wave a juicy piece of turkey breast under their nose. Cruel? Perhaps, but that’s life, right?

Even if none of this is possible and you end up cooking Christmas dinner for the usual collection of chocolate-filled children, beer-starved men and stony-faced in-laws, you can still strike a blow for women’s rights.

For example, over pudding, just say in a firm voice: ‘Right, since I’ve done all the cooking, why don’t the men do the washing up?’ Nine times out of ten, it works!


Lose Weight By Opening Your Eyes

When Mary walked down the aisle with her new husband, she was 26 years old and weighed a trim 9 stone. In fact, so many people told her she had a nice figure that it never occurred to her to look after it. So she stopped eating sensibly and got a bit careless.

She didn’t rush out and start bingeing, or anything like that. She just had a few too many meals out and a bit too much fried food. Result? In her first year of marriage, she put on a stone. Did it bother her? Of course not. After all, doesn’t everyone put on weight when they get married?

Then she got pregnant, which gave her the perfect excuse to eat whatever she wanted. Result? She put on another stone. Did this bother her? Not really. After all, doesn’t everyone put on weight when they have a baby?

Two more food-filled pregnancies followed and Mary put on another two stone. By this stage, she was 32 years old and a plump 13 stone. Wasn’t she a bit worried about her weight now? Not really. After all, she had better things to do than worry about her figure. She had three small children to look after, a pile of dirty clothes to wash and a house to clean. Her weight was simply not a priority – not at the moment. So she carried on eating.

What about her husband? Did he mind that his bride of 9 stone had ballooned to 13 stone? Perhaps, but he had no intention of saying anything. Like most husbands, he preferred an easy life. Besides, he wasn’t exactly slim, himself!

So the years slipped by, the children started school and gradually Mary had more time to herself. At first, she enjoyed it, but soon boredom crept in. Result? Her eating habits got worse. She cooked bigger roasts, she bought more cakes, and she filled the fridge with coleslaw and chocolate.

By the age of 40, she was 15 stone and rising. Did she mind? Not really. After all, most of her friends were fat and so was her husband, so as far as Mary was concerned, she wasn’t fat at all – she was quite normal!

Then one day, she went into hospital for a successful operation on her eyes.

You see, for the past thirty years Mary had been blind. But now, thanks to her doctors, her eyes were literally opened. When she saw her family (and guide-dog), she wept with joy! Everyone looked so wonderful!

However, one thing didn’t look at all wonderful: her overweight body. You see, while she was blind she had been able to kid herself that she looked OK, but now she could see the truth. The truth was she looked like a big blubbery whale! It was time to take herself in hand. So she did.

She began by changing her shopping habits. She stopped buying her usual cakes, biscuits, chocolate, crisps, coleslaw, burgers, sausages and chicken nuggets, and bought lots of bread, potatoes, rice, pasta, cereal, fruit, vegetables, beans and lean meat, instead. She also bought lots of low-fat sauces and pickles to make everything extra tasty. Finally, for dessert, she bought lots of low-fat yogurt, tinned fruit and low-fat mousse.

Result? She ate well, lost weight and felt great! Within 12 months, she was back to being a lovely size 12, and she, her family and the dog lived happily ever after.

Are you a Mary? Are you closing your eyes to a serious weight problem? If so, you are asking for trouble because your quality of life is only going to get worse. A better approach is to stand in front of a mirror, take a good honest look at yourself and if you don’t like what you see, take action to put it right!

Personally, I think that life is too short to waste time being tired and fat. What do you think?


Motivation to Reduce Weight

What’s the most precious commodity in the world? Gold? Platinum? Diamonds? No. The most precious commodity is happiness! Now let me ask you a question. Apart from spending large amounts of money, how are you going to make yourself happier this year?

If you’re not sure, let me make a suggestion. Why not take care of your figure, once and for all? I mean, can you think of anything else you can do which would give you more pleasure than being able to wear a pair of drop-dead jeans?

Even if you’re quite happy to carry on wearing baggy skirts, imagine how much easier life would be if you didn’t have any fat on your hips and thighs. Imagine how much lighter you would feel and how energetic you would be. For example, I know lots of people who started slimming last year when they felt completely drained, and who now can’t believe how much energy they have.
Next, imagine the difference it would make to your husband or boyfriend. Don’t forget, men may be stupid but they’re not blind and most of them prefer women to be slim rather than fat. You don’t believe me? Then watch their eyes when they see a nice slim female pass by. Woof! Woof!

Even if you’re not the slightest bit interested in attracting the opposite gender, losing weight will do wonders for your general confidence. For example, each time you look in the mirror, walk into a pub, lie on the beach, walk into a clothes shop, go to a school function, attend a wedding or simply soak in the bath, you’ll feel better about yourself and your appearance.

What’s more, as your confidence grows, all your problems start to shrink! For example, husbands become less tiresome, mothers-in-law become less irritating and even getting up in the morning becomes more of a pleasure. All because you feel better about yourself.

In other words, no matter what sort of a person you are or what sort of a life you lead, losing weight makes everything seem a lot better, and if you still have doubts, ask anyone who has lost a lot of weight. They’ll tell you how much better it is to be slim.

So why not make a new start? Why not use the next few months to get rid of your weight problem and begin a new life in the process? It will make a huge difference both to your physical well-being and your mental outlook.

Now some of you may be thinking: ‘Oh Sure, I’d love to be slim but I never will be because I can’t stick to a diet.’ If so, please don’t worry. This is a perfectly natural reaction. I mean, if you’ve never been able to stick to a diet for long, you are bound to be pessimistic about your chances.

But this shouldn’t stop you from having a go, should it? I mean, what are you going to do with the rest of your life?

Are you going to sit back and watch other people reach for the stars while you reach for a dish-cloth?


Eat Yourself Slim

A friend of mine from Ireland came to see me recently about her weight. She has put on nearly two stone in two years. ‘I’m so miserable’ she says. ‘What can I do?’ She knows the answer of course: she just wants me to say it. So I do. Why not go on a diet, I say.

She says she will, but it’s going to be difficult. Why? Because she adores fat. For example, nothing gives her greater pleasure than tucking into a bag of crisps or a nice fatty lamb chop with fried onions and gravy.

The conversation continues and she tells me about her eating habits. For breakfast, she has toast with lots of butter. ‘I love butter’ she says, her mouth almost watering at the thought of it. What about lunch? She usually skips lunch – she is too busy. Apart from the occasional chocolate biscuit, she doesn’t usually have anything more until her main meal in the evening.

Her main meal might include a couple of chops, bacon and cabbage, or roast chicken, with potatoes and one vegetable. Unfortunately for her shape, her favourite part of the meal is the fatty part, like the fat on the bacon joint or the fatty edges of the chops, or the chicken skin. She never has a dessert, but she might have a bag of crisps a bit later and perhaps a couple of biscuits before going to bed. Does she like fruit? No. She hates it.

Does she eat out? Oh Yes, she loves going out for a meal. Sometimes, during the day, she might have something fast like burger and chips, and at night she might occasionally go out for a good steak with chips, fried onions and garlic mushrooms. She doesn’t drink a huge amount but she’s quite capable of having 6 or 7 drinks in a session.

How is her health? For example, does she suffer from tiredness? Does she often feel bloated? Does she often get infections and have to visit her doctor for an antibiotic? Does she sleep badly? Does she often feel stressed out? Does she avoid all exercise? Her answer to all these questions is Yes.

In other words, my friend is fairly typical. She’s overweight, eats lots of fat, hates fruit, drinks too much at a time, takes no exercise, gets tired, takes too many antibiotics and feels miserable. She wants to lose weight and feel good, but she doesn’t really know how to start. Are you a bit like this? Would you like to improve your figure and start feeling good again? If so, here is some no-nonsense advice.

Eat more food!

Instead of eating small portions of fatty food, start eating large amounts of good food! For example, start with a good breakfast of cereal, beans on toast and perhaps a yogurt, a tin of fruit or a banana. For lunch, have a huge sandwich and make yourself an extra one to eat during the afternoon. Fill your sandwiches with anything except butter or mayonnaise.

For your main meal, enjoy a huge plateful of potatoes, vegetables and beans with either, a juicy chicken fillet, a lean piece of meat, or fish. For dessert, have a yogurt, a tin of fruit or a large scoop of low-calorie ice-cream. Finally, before you go to bed, enjoy a bowl of cereal with chopped banana. In addition, during the day, squeeze a few oranges for yourself, and drink half a pint of low-fat milk.

Why eat all this?

Because it's good for your body, good for your mind and very good for your weight. What makes me so sure? Because I’ve been helping people to get slim for more than 15 years, and in all this time, no one who has followed this sort of diet has ever failed to lose weight and feel great. So get eating and start living! You won’t believe how wonderful it feels!


Lose Fat By Being Positive

When it comes to enjoying life, having the right attitude can make all the difference. For example, if you have a positive attitude you’ll find things easy, whereas if you have a negative attitude, you’ll find things more difficult. This isn’t airy-fairy nonsense, this is plain common sense.

For example, suppose that two shoe salesmen, Mr Negative and Mr Positive travel to the same African country to investigate the market for shoes. Within less than 48 hours, they discover that no one wears any! Result? Mr Negative sends a message to his Head Office: ‘No chance of doing business here: no one wears shoes!’ However, Mr Positive sees things differently. He reports: ‘Terrific business opportunity here: no one wears shoes!’

See how important attitude is? Both men are faced with an identical situation, but their reactions are completely different. One is ready to give up; the other is just starting! No prizes for guessing which one is more successful.

Now let’s take a look at two slimmers, Mrs Negative and Mrs Positive, both of whom want to lose 2 stone. When Mrs Negative starts dieting, all she thinks about is what she has to give up. Why? Because to her, dieting is all about denial, pain, suffering and torment. Furthermore, because she has dieted several times in the past, without success, she is firmly convinced that she can’t do it. With an attitude like this, is it any wonder that she fails?

By contrast, Mrs Positive has a completely different outlook. In her mind, dieting isn’t about giving up things, it’s about gaining things. So instead of getting suicidal about giving up cakes and biscuits, she thinks of all the nice things that dieting is going to bring her.

For example, she looks forward to gaining a lovely slim figure and buying lots of new clothes. She looks forward to regaining her confidence and being able to go out for the night without worrying about her size and shape. She can’t wait to feel more energetic and rediscover her zest for life. In other words, as far as she is concerned, dieting doesn’t mean suffering, it means salvation!

The difference between these two slimmers is even more noticeable when they have bad days. For example, whenever Mrs Negative has a bad day, she feels nothing but guilt. ‘I’m a failure’ she says to herself. ‘I can’t do it.’ So she gives up and stays fat.

However, Mrs Positive takes a different approach. She knows that she can have 65 bad days a year, and still have 300 good ones, which is more than enough to help her lose weight. So when she feels like a bit of a binge she just eats away and when the mood passes she goes back on the diet. Result? Her weight gradually goes down and down.

What sort of a slimmer are you? Are you a Mrs Negative or a Mrs Positive? Do you see dieting as something you have to do, or something you want to do? Do you see it as a necessary evil, like doing the ironing, or do you see it as an opportunity to change your life?

If up to now you’ve been more like Mrs Negative, then why not make a new start?

Why not start being more positive about yourself and your diet and concentrate on all the wonderful benefits that losing weight will bring you.


Lose Weight Fast By Eating Super-Sized Sandwiches

What’s the fastest way to lose weight? Answer: cut your leg off.

This is guaranteed to help you lose at least a stone. If you want to lose more, cut the other one off, as well. Alternatively, if you don’t like the sight of blood, just stop eating! If you stop eating, you lose lots of weight, very quickly.

Sounds crazy? Of course it does! No sane person would ever chop their leg off or starve themselves to death simply to lose weight. On the other hand, many of our ideas about slimming are just as daft.

For example, in one of my recent slimming clinics, I gave a Sandwich Demonstration. This involves showing the audience two different lunch-time sandwiches. The first is a typical ham sandwich with two thin slices of buttered bread wrapped around a slice of ham. It looks mean, it tastes like cardboard and it wouldn’t satisfy a pet hamster let alone a healthy slimmer.

The second sandwich is very different. It contains sliced chicken breast, lashings of tomatoes, cucumber, sliced onion, beetroot, grated carrot, crispy lettuce and sweetcorn, topped with pickle, all wrapped inside two thick slices of bread spread with light spread. It is not a large sandwich – it’s a monster sandwich! You have to see it, to believe it! It looks delicious, tastes delicious and it’s a real hunger-buster! Yet it’s no more fattening than the first one.

How do people react? They gasp! They have never seen such a monster sandwich! What’s more, they can’t believe that they are allowed to eat so much for a lunch-time snack, especially when I tell them they should have a huge bowl of soup, as well.

However, some slimmers are less positive. After studying the monster sandwich carefully, they shake their heads and say: ‘I couldn’t go to all that trouble just for myself.’ And when I hear them say things like this, my heart goes out to them.

Why? Because my monster sandwich takes less than six minutes to prepare. That’s right, a miserable six minutes! Yet obviously some slimmers won’t devote even this tiny amount of time to looking after themselves. They would rather spend six years dieting than six minutes making a decent sandwich. Now if this isn’t crazy, I don’t know what is!

What sort of a slimmer are you? Are you willing to spend six minutes making yourself a monster sandwich, packed with chicken, salad, beetroot, sweetcorn and even slices of cold potato? Are you willing to go to a little bit of trouble in order to try and solve your weight problem once and for all? Or would you prefer to spend the next few years eating tasteless tiny sandwiches and gradually getting fatter in the process? It’s up to you.

Of course some of you may be thinking: ‘All this fuss over a sandwich!’ If so, let me tell you a secret.

Slimming isn’t about big ideas, or fancy recipes, or airy-fairy diets. Slimming is all about simple things like making monster sandwiches, cooking soup and preparing good hot meals. The better you are at these simple things, the quicker you’ll lose weight and the happier you’ll be.

However, the main reason for making such a fuss about my monster sandwich is because it illustrates one very important point. Dieting doesn’t mean eating less, it means eating more! In particular, it means eating lots of good food. You see when your tummy is packed full of good food, you stop wanting rubbish like biscuits and crisps. Result? You lose weight, look good and feel fantastic!

So start making monster sandwiches and watch your weight fall off for ever!

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