Friday, February 04, 2005


12 Weight Loss Tips For a Slimmer Healthier Body

Would you like to lose weight, boost your energy and feel fantastic? If so, follow these 12 tips and live happily ever after.

(1) Never eat while standing up! It makes you fat and gives you indigestion. Always sit down – preferably three times a day – and enjoy a good breakfast, lunch and dinner.

(2) Treat vegetables like good sex: the more the better! For example, have at least 2-3 helpings, plus potatoes, with your main meal.

(3) Fruit is even better for you! Eat it fresh or tinned in juice. Eat it in the bath, or the car, but not when you’re having sex – the pips get everywhere. Peel it, chop it, slice it, cook it – do anything with it as long as you eat it four times a day.

(4) Milk and yogurt are also good, but only the low-fat variety. Have half a pint of milk and at least one low-fat yogurt per day.

(5) Unless you enjoy using a bedpan and having needles shoved into you, don’t wait until you’ve had a heart attack before cutting down on fat: start today! Avoid all fried food, chocolate, crisps, burgers, rashers, sausages, fatty meat, coleslaw, pastries, butter, margarine, cream and biscuits. Even if these foods don’t give you a heart attack, they will give you fat thighs, fat arms and legs, a fat neck and a double-chin.

(6) If you have to fry food, use a non-stick frying pan and either dry-fry using water instead of oil, or use a very small quantity of good quality cooking oil. Also, when buying oil, check the label and choose one which contains the least saturated fat and the most polyunsaturated fat. This advice also applies to spreads and cooking sauces.

(7) Is meat good for you? Yes, but only if you choose carefully. Best of all is free-range buffalo, but this is rather scarce around here at this time of year, so instead I recommend fish. For example, white fish like cod, haddock, hake and plaice make excellent slimming food, providing you don’t fry them. Here’s a quick recipe: squirt a cod steak with lemon juice, add lots of sliced mushrooms, tomatoes etc., wrap the whole lot in silver foil and bake in oven. Even fatty fish, like mackerel, salmon and herring are good for you. In fact, their fat actually helps to protect you against heart disease.

(8) After fish, the next best meat is chicken, followed by pig. Neither is very fattening, but choose a lean cut like chicken fillet or pork steak and remove all visible fat.

(9) Cows and sheep are much more fattening and ideally should not be eaten more than twice a week. You won’t explode or catch fire if you eat more, but you will find it more difficult to lose weight. Once again, choose a lean cut and remove all visible fat.

(10) Whatever meat you eat, don’t overdo it! Limit yourself to a medium-sized helping (i.e. quarter-pound) and fill up with lots of potatoes and vegetables instead. Tinned beans, sweetcorn, or chick-peas are also great fillers, but remember to take them out of the tin, first.

(11) Lose weight on your credit card! Buy a food-blender and start making soup! Soup is a fantastic slimming food: it’s cheap, easy to make, very healthy, ideal for left-overs and a very tasty way of eating green vegetables. Serve it with sandwiches, baked potato, a big salad, or slabs of fresh bread.

(12) Fancy a quick one in the kitchen? Then grab yourself a bowl of cereal. Best is Shredded Wheat, Weetabix and any bran-based cereal, but others are fine. Eat them anytime with semi-skimmed or (ideally) skimmed milk. Don’t forget, skimmed milk is fifteen times less fattening than semi-skimmed.

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