Friday, February 04, 2005

 

Lose Weight Like Nina Frankenstein

It was Halloween in the year 1451, and in his dark gloomy castle Doctor Frankenstein cackled with delight. Olga, his poor deceased mother-in-law, lay ready on the table: now all he had to do was bring her to life and the whole world would be forced to recognise his genius!

He walked over to the table for one last inspection. His mother-in-law lay face-up, looking more beautiful than ever. This was because he had given her the head of a beautiful deceased girl called Nina, which he had acquired from a local grave-robber. Was this cheating? Perhaps, but Olga wouldn’t mind, would she? After all, she was going to look fifty years younger!

Satisfied that everything was ready, he returned to his desk and pressed a green button. A blinding flash erupted from the wires leading to Olga as ten thousand volts of electricity surged through her. Then more flashes, several loud bangs and the room filled with smoke. Would the experiment work? Frankenstein held his breath.

Gradually, the smoke cleared and there, sitting upright on the table was his reborn mother-in-law! He couldn’t believe it! He rushed over to the groggy figure and held her in his arms. ‘Welcome back, Olga, my dearest!’ he sobbed. But the new Olga was not amused. ‘Get off me, you dirty old man!’ she shouted, pushing him away. ‘And get me some clothes!’

Frankenstein was happy to obey. He fetched Olga a new blouse and skirt, and guided her to a full length mirror. When she saw herself in the mirror, she was repelled.

‘Ugh! Who gave me this fat body?’ she cried. ‘I did’ replied Frankenstein, proudly. ‘I’ve just brought you back to life. Aren’t you pleased?

In reply, Olga walloped him across the face. ‘I’d rather be dead’ she said. ‘And stop calling me Olga! My name is Nina.’

Suddenly, Frankenstein understood his mistake. Because this new person was wearing Nina’s head, she naturally believed herself to be Nina. This also explained why she hated her new fat body. In her previous life, she had been beautifully slim. In other words, instead of resurrecting his mother-in-law, he had created a complete stranger! Oh well, he thought, you can’t win them all!

He turned to Nina and explained exactly what had happened. He also said that she was welcome to stay in the castle for as long as she liked. She listened carefully but said nothing. When he finished, she lay back on the table and fell fast asleep.

The next morning, Frankenstein awoke to the sound of banging. He went to investigate and found Nina opening cupboards in the kitchen. When she saw him, she told him to sit down and write out a shopping list. ‘What for?’ he replied. ‘Because if I’m going to regain my figure’ she replied ‘I want proper meals, with real food. I’m not going to eat your rubbish!’

So Frankenstein wrote out a list and went shopping, and instead of his usual biscuits, chocolate, pastries and fatty meat, he bought lots of fruit, vegetables, potatoes, bread, beans and extra-lean meat. He also bought a non-stick frying pan and a blender to make soup with.

On his return, he gave everything to Nina who cooked a delicious low-fat meal. It was the beginning of a beautiful, non-fattening friendship. He shopped, she cooked three proper meals every day, and they both lost weight and felt fantastic! Within six months, Nina was back to being a lovely size 12.

The moral? If you suddenly realise that you are two or three stone overweight, don’t panic! Just be a Nina! Sit down, write out a shopping list, buy yourself lots of good food and make a new start. It works, believe me!

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